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Do you want to be heard? You can with two little words: “yes, and.” Recently at a talk by Lisa Genova, neuroscientist and author of Still Alice about a Harvard University professor who suffers early-onset Alzheimer's, she shared a great technique to connect and communicate with those who have the disease. She uses a “yes, and” rule. Here’s how it works. Alzheimer’s patients, Genova said, do not like being corrected (who does?) when they say something that is wrong or can represent even blatant nonsense. To do so, means making them frustrated. Angry. It alienates them from you, she said....

I have a fantasy based on a children's book I used to read to my children when they were young. I no longer have a copy and cannot remember all the details.. The book was titled, Aunt Nina's Visit  by Franz Brandenberg. It was all about young children and pets rushing to the door when their aunt arrived, bestowing kisses on her and hugs and begging her never to leave.  Granted, it was about an aunt rather than a grandmother, but the message was the same--how the generations can form important bonds.  Yet, the book as I recall never said...

Dear Son, This is going to sound gutsy, but I need to get away. And I have decided to visit you in Montreal. May I stay at your place? I hope you’re not cringing. You’re probably wondering why I won’t book a hotel room, but you did offer to let me stay with you. So, I’m taking you up on your kind offer.   Does this sound familiar? Many of you are probably nodding “yes.” So, it got me thinking, if you’re going to be a house guest in your children’s homes, what are the rules to follow? First off,...

What is something that is free and will last forever? Manners. And it seems logical that we should use them generously. But in some circles, good manners have become an endangered species. What are manners? Showing someone else that you’re respectful and considerate of their feelings and actions. Getting down to basics, it can be as simple as saying “please” and “thank you.” It makes the other person feel verified and appreciated. And when you do so, you expect nothing in return other than a big smile. Recently, we came across this headline in the Boston Globe newspaper: “Don’t be...

I have stopped counting the questions. My mother asks me once again whether I will bring food for Yom Kippur, the recent Jewish holiday of atonement. I explain yet again that I am taking the train into the city from my home in the country two hours away rather than driving, so I can’t carry food easily. I repeat to her that I will buy groceries near her and make holiday meals for us to share.  Barbara's mother as a young woman.  Sadly, the repetitive questions often annoy me. I try to keep my cool. And when I’m calm and...