What Annoys Guests? We Turn the Tables on Hosting

We’ve discussed what you think you need to do to be a great host, but what are some hosting faux pas that might irk friends and family? Maybe it's asking guests to take off their shoes without offering slippers. Obviously, anyone invited into your home should be comfortable, since hosting takes effort, time and money. It’s much easier to gather at a restaurant, yet it’s so much warmer, cozier and welcoming to be together in a home. A few tweaks can help you avoid leaving a bad impression on your guests. 

Why not do your best?

We’ve borrowed a few ideas to up your hosting game from Martha Stewart, the Queen of Entertaining, who posted recently on the “9 Habits that Guests Secretly Dislike (and What to Do Instead).” We’ve added our spin to hers, and what annoys us as guests. Let us reiterate, we’re not out to criticize, so please include us in your invitations, and we’ll be grateful and have you back! 

Here are our 15 essentials. We’ve presented them in a positive light, focusing on welcoming hosting habits rather than in a negative tone of “Don’t Do This and That.” And although we might be tired of entertaining after the holidays, nothing beats being invited to someone’s home or apartment in the winter months that remain—February and half of March—where there's a crackling fire or a warm and toasty room, popping champagne corks, something roasting and delicious aromas! Add in good conversation and you’ve upped your game.

1.    Be unquestionably clear in your invitation. Few send written invites since emails, texts and phone calls seem to be the preferred messengers these days. However, offer a timeline for when to arrive, and include a dress code if you don’t care for jeans and sweats. You needn’t share the guest list unless asked. Don’t forget to include your address and where to park, whether in a building or on the street.

2.    Greet your guests warmly. When anyone arrives, be happy to see them, even if it’s a payback invitation. Smile, shake hands or hug, depending on your level of friendship and what makes you both feel comfortable.

3.    Have an empty or partly empty coat closet. When guests take off their coats, it’s nice to know where to put them—if they’re supposed to hang them up or just pile them up on a chair or bench. We like to clear out our hall closet rather than run them to a bedroom or, heaven forbid, have them go upstairs and see our unmade bed. Just in case, make it!

4.    Think about the timing of your party. What works for your guests? Do they drive at night? Nope, do a lunch (you can joke it’s a matinee). Do they like to be home early? Schedule for 6 p.m. Do they still work? If so, host on a weekend. And don’t plan on a Sunday if competing with church or a sports game.

5.    Think about the menu. Guests can be a choosy these days. This one doesn’t eat red meat; this one doesn’t consume sugar; this one isn’t into fish or shellfish, anything that’s white—rice, potatoes, bread, white meat chicken; this one is a vegan so no eggs and more; this one is lactose intolerant so no butter and cream; this one squirms when things aren’t cooked thoroughly so no ceviche or raw tuna; this one has acid reflux so no tomato sauce. You get the point. Hosting a meal wasn’t always this way, and a big plate of lettuce might be best and safest, unless there’s a romaine lettuce Salmonella outbreak at your local grocery. We say aim for variety and be chill. And if you don’t enjoy cooking, don’t despair. Prepared or catered food is fine, sometimes better and less of a hassle. Not everybody is Martha Stewart after all, and some frozen foods from Trader Joe’s or prepared from Costco can be delicious. In fact, we hear their apple pie is scrumptious. Add a container of fancy ice cream and you’ve gone gourmet. Just don’t make the flavors too unusual.

6.    Be sure everyone is introduced to the guests. This doesn’t apply if everyone is part of a group that always gets together. If not, share the common denominators of why you put them together out loud to get the party going. Maybe the guests all like opera or playing golf or canasta. Don’t worry if they don’t instantly bond; that’s out of your control.

7.    Besides food variety, go for drinks too. Stock your bar even if you don’t drink bourbon, vodka, red and white wine. Have a variety of waters, some cut up lemons and limes and so on, ice, napkins, openers. You might even come up with a signature drink, which can be either alcoholic or a mocktail, which more in our age bracket seek these days.

8. Have a good flow of time. Don’t drag out your cocktail hour but then don’t make it too short if you have good hors d’oeuvres. Know when to serve dinner and then dessert. Keep an eye on your guests, paying heed to whether the conversation is flowing, and note when guests get squirmy sitting and start to pop out of their seats like toaster pastries. That’s a sign to move the party to a different room, if you can. 

9.    Keep the conversation going. Speaking of conversation, we prefer one topic versus multiple ones and discussions that are meaty and even controversial. A round table versus a long rectangular one can improve this. Steer away from chatter about people’s grandkids, all the trips so many take and where anyone went to college or high school. What’s left? Politics, but yes, that’s verboten in many politically mixed circles. No to religion, too. The weather is always safe.

10.   Change the conversation when it hits a roadblock or starts to feel like flat soda. If someone criticizes another’s idea, swoop in and deflect. As the host, you can play traffic cop. Come up with a new and neutral topic such as the latest plays, TV series, books or movies.

11.  Be organized and be present. The guests came to see you, yes eat and drink, but don’t do lots of last-minute prep. It makes guests feel uncomfortable if you’re spending the night in the kitchen. A soufflé is fine but prepare what you can ahead of time. Write out your menu so you don’t forget to make something or serve it, which at our ages we might do.

12.   Wait for cleanup. Yes, dishes are piling up on the counters and in the sink and some helpful guests may try to step in, but wait. Better to do them that night after they leave than wait until tomorrow. However, if you head into the kitchen to clean up, the party loses its momentum.

13.   Make the evening fun. It doesn’t have to be a raucous event but do something that adds some levity. Maybe play music, have a blind tasting of a drink or food, give the menu a theme—a Mexican taco bar—or a grab bag where everyone brings their favorite old paperback book to swap. What about charades to get people up and moving?  

14.  Keep your eyes open when enough is enough. We know of some hosts who issue signs that it’s time to end the soiree. Maybe head into the kitchen to start doing the dishes. We know one host who headed upstairs to bed and told his guests, “Goodnight.” If someone leaves, usually the other guests will follow. Don’t fight the exodus. Think, we loved having you, but yes, it’s been a nice long evening, au revoir!

15.    Have a spotless bathroom for guests to use. Include extra toilet paper rolls, real hand towels or paper ones, soap, a waste can and so on. Maybe a bottle of perfume or hand lotion. These days, everyone should wash their hands well. And many older guests need to use the room often. You might leave on a light or have a nightlight in the bathroom. 

Any effort you make when inviting people into your home should be appreciated. If it gets back to you that your hosting was less than stellar, silence will follow, for the unappreciative guests won’t be invited again. And yes, we can always learn from our mistakes, too.