The road chosen: What some did or might have done with their lives
For many of us who are either retired or work part time, we’ve had more time to reflect on the trajectory of our lives and how we’ve evolved gradually to become the people we are today. So much of who we are is about the path in life we’ve chosen, the road that spread before us when we were young and sometimes a person we married or with whom we became a partner.
But what if we had selected a different fork in the road?
Robert Frost’s iconic poem, “The Road Not Taken,” explores choices. The reader is left realizing that the decisions we’ve made shape the course of our lives. If we had married or stayed single where would we be now? What if we moved to some exotic location or tried our hand at some outlandish job? Maybe rodeo star, Outward Bound counselor, standup comedienne or gymnast. What if we had kids or didn’t have kids? Taught school, written that novel or gone for a law degree with hopes to head a nonprofit to help heal the world? What a legacy!
Now in our 60s, 70s, 80s, and yes even 90s and past 100, with more time and more choices, can we go back and take or dab in the path not chosen or just ruminate about what might have been? We talked to some folks who discussed this situation when asked: What path did you almost take? We also share about ourselves.
Barbara: To be a painter and have her work exhibited in a gallery or even grander, a museum. She planned to be an artist, specifically the next Helen Frankenthaler, whose work she loved for her bold colors, exuberant designs and novel use of paint as a stain. But as a senior in college, she took one journalism class in the graduate school of her university and that changed her path. She went on to earn a Master’s in Painting and Art History but took a first job at a “shelter” magazine where she initially wrote about architecture, real estate, design and art. She became hooked.
It’s almost 53 years since she started in this field. She enjoyed the interviewing process, as well as being interviewed. And she gained a writing partner along the way, which added more rewards. No regrets about the change, especially since about 15 years ago she went back to painting on the side and still dreams of having more exhibits of her work; one was in her former local library. And she has sold several works.
Margaret: Her big dream was to sing opera on the Metropolitan Opera stage. She didn’t have the discipline or early training it took for this career path. In school, she had a knack and affinity for writing, loved asking questions and finding out what makes someone who they are and the businesses or ventures they chose. She attended Journalism school and opted to work in print on newspapers and magazines. Her singing went on the back burner after she married and had three children. Journalism was a good choice for her skills and lifestyle, enabling her to freelance from home after her children were born. Finding a writing partner made the process so much better.
She did sing first soprano in a group in St. Louis from her mid-30s to mid-40s. After moving to New York City, she came in close proximity to making her musical “dream” come true by singing a commissioned piece in a chorus at Lincoln Center (the Metropolitan Opera is on the campus) and in the chorus of a black opera at David Geffen Hall, home of the New York Philharmonic. She continues to sing in various groups and loves the challenge and the community of musicians.
Suzanne: She wanted to be a stewardess (that’s what they were called back then) after finishing college. She thought it would be glamorous, and she’d get to travel to places all over the globe. She chose teaching and motherhood instead and today she works with special needs kids.
Judy:: She found her path but a bit later in life, meandering for several years. After undergraduate school, she moved to San Francisco and worked for an insurance company, moved back home to New York City and earned a degree in speech pathology/audiology. For several years, she was an audiologist. During that time, she was on a quiz show, “Three on a Match” and won a car and several other prizes. She was called back to appear on the show as one of the top money winners that year. Subsequently, she went to work for a video production firm but left and began working part-time in a veterinarian’s office –animals were a passion--and taking courses at Columbia University to apply to vet school, which was the path she always wanted to take. She earned her DVM credentials and practiced in New York City. As a vet, she says, she took the right road, living her dream to become Dr. J.
Leslie: She thinks she would have wanted to become an artist, specifically an oil painter. She has two degrees in electrical engineering and worked in corporate America for Bell Laboratories and became a wife and mother. Today, now retired, she can take art classes whenever and wherever they are available. She and her second husband have a place in Boca Ratan, Florida, and another in New York City. She has a huge landscape from which to choose to paint on canvas.
Adam: He became a financial planner who said he always wanted to host Saturday Night Live. He attended some 26 shows when SNL was in its infancy featuring Gilda Radner, Bill Murray and John Belushi as cast members. As an ardent fan, Adam felt he knew and learned enough to be tapped to host the show. An opportunity came along when SNL held a contest to find a host for an SNL Christmas show. He tried out, and sadly did not make the cut. Instead, they chose a grandmother to host thinking it would be a funny bit. It fell flat, said Adam. His dream is yet to be realized. But, who knows, maybe time will tell.
Piper: Her entire young life she wanted to be an elementary school teacher. She loved children and was a day camp counsellor for several years and entered college as a history major and education minor. However, she found education courses dull and quite useless, and by senior year, rising at 6 a.m. to student teach did not accord with her ‘60s college lifestyle. She went on to become a legal assistant at a poverty law NGO, graduated law school, and was a federal government attorney for 36 years. In ways, she missed greatly working with children, though she found much fulfillment in practicing and teaching international law.
Audrey: From the time she was a junior in high school, she wanted to be a librarian and stayed on that path. She loved helping people find books and information in the library. She spent her senior year and the following summer at her childhood village’s public library and then pursued economics as a college major. She ended up being a business reference librarian first at the American Association of Advertising Agencies and then at McKinsey & Co. That led her on to the Research staff at McKinsey, specializing in marketing research. She loved it!
Xen: She always loved music since it has affected her deeply. She said, “I have a good ear and can sing harmonies. I played the piano beginning at 8 years old, sang in a church choir as a child, a glee club and an a cappella group as a high school student. In college, I toyed with majoring in music but chose fine arts instead. Then two years after graduating from college, I decided to apply to architecture school, figuring that practicing architecture was a way to make a decent living in an artistic field. While in graduate school, I learned to play the electric bass. I joined some bands. My claim to fame is that I played at the Copacabana!”
After getting her degree in architecture, she worked at a day job in architecture and often played bass in the evening. But after about four months, she couldn’t keep up the pace. She debated, “Do I play in a band that was far more exciting than architecture? However, how could I throw away three years of graduate school and a more stable livelihood where I specialized in healthcare architecture designing facilities that improved the lives of patients and staff alike.” She chose architecture but, at the same time to satisfy her musical needs, she joined the Brooklyn Community Chorus where she was a member for 35 years until she moved.
No matter what road taken, let’s think of life as a no- regrets zone, just choices made for very valid reasons. And we can look ahead, we hope, to more healthy days and years to pursue a host of old and new interests.