The 30 Commandments of Good Mothering

We don’t know what makes a perfect Mom or if she exists, but we have admired Moms who inspire us to be the best Moms we can be.

As we get ready to celebrate Mother’s Day this Sunday,  May 11, what are the qualities you most admire in the mothers you’ve met throughout the years and your own Mom? We have come up with a list of what we call the 30 commandments of good mothering. Feel free to add to this list by emailing us to the comments section. And Happy Mother’s Day to all who star in this role. 

1.    Understand and teach the importance of familial connections. 
2.    Compliment their children.
3.    Admit they are wrong when they are and ask for forgiveness. Also, teach them to say, “I’m sorry” and mean it, if they are wrong as well.  
4.    Tell their children and others they love them, saying it out loud.
5.    Because children live what they learn, serve as positive role models for children and if lucky, grandchildren. 
6.    Teach children good manners and sometimes remind them to reinforce their importance.
7.    Teach good habits, from brushing and flossing teeth to good grooming, kindness to strangers and no ghosting.
8.    Remember to be the parent and not a friend, though in the best cases the generations become friends.
9.    Never favor one sibling over another, although the relationship with each child may be different. Never triangulate or keep secrets from one child.
10.  Understand and remember that nobody and nothing is perfect and share that it’s important not to strive for that but do their best.
11.  Teach the importance of remembering important events—birthdays, anniversaries, and other milestones.
12.  Teach the importance of being inclusive because everybody likes being invited.
13.  Teach them to use words to express anger or upset. No hitting, biting, punching or name calling. 
14.  Explain the value of a sense of humor.
15.  Don’t brag or embarrass their children in any way in public.
16.  Never share a confidence. 
17.  Believe in their children and never shame.
18.  Inspire a child to be who they want to be and to follow their dreams. This engenders independence. 
19.  Take time for themselves, whether a job, a hobby, volunteer work or anything that makes their heart sing, so their own children understand being Mom is just one role of many.
20.  When needed, show up, often without being asked but at times be sure to ask if it’s a good time to show up.
21.  Sometimes when not needed also show up.
22.  Have deep-rooted convictions and stand up for them.
23.  Indulge periodically, whether a special treat, time together, one on one reading, sharing a meal or taking a walk, or extra hugs.
24.  Be the parent. The child should not be running the show. But when they are older, respect their views and actions, which may differ from yours.
25.  Remind children to be kind to those who don’t have a Mom. Mother’s Day can be difficult and sad for many.
26.  Don’t overindulge with material things but never hold back love, support, positive reinforcement, kindness, compassion, sympathy and empathy. 
27.  Every child has something special about them. Respect them and admire their talents and skills. But don’t push or overdo the praise to the point that they can’t live up to expectations or always expect the proverbial trophy. They won’t always come in first or even second.
28.  Leave their child alone when they don’t want to share something. Children will talk when they feel comfortable or safe doing so. 
29.  Give them privacy as they get older. No snooping--listening to phone calls or digging into emails, diaries and texts--unless it’s a life-threatening issue i.e., drug use, a sexual predator, alcohol use, truancy is suspected.  
30.  Set good boundaries and are consistent in following them. That way, children know what to expect. 

As any mother will tell you, parenting is the hardest job of all. There is no perfect mothering, but if you follow some of these precepts, you will see your children (and grandchildren) grow into confident and amazing adults and you’ll be a very happy Mom (at least most of the time).