Table for One: Sometimes It’s More Blissful to Go it Alone

Good Morning Readers,

We have a strange but provocative question for you: Do you want to meet yourself? You can. Spend some time alone.

That doesn’t preclude the importance of companionship. Many of us think we have to do things in pairs. Obviously, Noah felt this way. And, as we’ve written ad nauseum, it’s healthy to spend time around others. Sometimes two heads are better than one if, perhaps, you’re putting an Ikea purchase together, brainstorming a marketing idea, deciding on a purchase if you need a new outfit for a special event, redoing a kitchen and aren’t sure about your choices or you’re getting ready for a big life change like a move. Should you do it? Bring in the troops or even one or two to help.  

However, there are times when taking time out to be alone is liberating and healthy. Consider your “party of one” a break from the hurly burly of everyday interactions. It’s a brain cleanser. Your aloneness means no pressure to talk, to perform. There’s no bother, no obligations to behave a certain way or worry about the opinions of others—they don’t like to go to museums, you don’t enjoy the movies; they want to walk the park, and you like the busy streets of New York City. They like to shop for clothing, and you prefer a bookstore. They love Broadway shows and you like opera. Sometimes it’s easier and a better deal to purchase one ticket only. Even practicing hitting tennis balls can be done alone with a ball machine. It won’t talk back and criticize strokes.  

Or picture this: Sitting by yourself sipping a cappuccino at an outdoor café alone means you can stay as long as you want and take in the world around you. No conversation to interrupt your musings. Let your mind wander. Jot down ideas. And when the check comes, there’s no hassle over who pays what. 

Spending time alone can require some planning. Start with the choices and home in on what you really want to do as a solo—will you go to the beach or take a hike in a nearby national park? Do yoga or go cycling? Want to eat chocolate cake before dinner? Imbibe. Drink Champagne for breakfast. Go for it. If traveling, should you go skiing or visit churches and castles? And when you get back to your hotel or Airbnb, you can vegetate, kick off your shoes and switch off your phone. Nap when you want. Keep the lights on all night and read. When you get up, roam the streets. Explore in silence. These are the perfect hours of being alone but not a moment of loneliness.

Alone, you are on your own time schedule. Taking your time will help increase your reserves of patience and contentment. This is not for everyone. Some like to share and crave feedback. That’s when it’s comforting to be part of a twosome or more. You decide.

Here is a list of alone ideas. Have a plan or several. A day out with yourself is not a waste of time but an investment in good health and introspection. Make a list of ideas, decide how much time you want to spend on being alone and then try one that appeals most and a backup.

Find a quiet place. A library or bookstore is a good start. Pick a park bench that’s unoccupied and away from others. Go to church or temple where you can pray in silence. Think how good you feel after doing so. 

Unplug your devices. This is noise and if your goal is to be alone, you don’t want interruptions from family, friends and work demands.

Plan a date with yourself, perhaps some adventure. Maybe you’ve always wanted to go deep sea fishing or swim with the dolphins. Now is your chance and there is no one there to judge how you’ve done.

Take a long walk and explore your neighborhood or a new area. Hike in a public park. Ride a bike or jog. There is no better time to think. We get some of our best ideas when doing these pursuits. Have you ever tried to talk when you’re running, walking fast or biking? It’s a challenge.

Dine alone. Test yourself. Go sit at a counter alone, have a drink, bring a book or magazine. If you miss any chit chat, you can always talk to the waiter or bartender. Or the person sitting next to you. It’s always fun to meet new folks which you can’t always do if you’re with other people. Since you are alone, you can go where you want, splurge and eat whatever you want. No sharing needed.

Take yourself on a field trip. Many don’t enjoy going to a museum with others. Being alone allows you to stop and study any work of art you wish without someone nudging you along. You're not on the clock. Take all the photos and videos you want, just stand and stare or take notes to your heart's content.

Try knitting, needlepointing, crocheting, painting or writing and/or journaling. These are solitary pursuits that require your total concentration, and the result is something tangible. What a great investment in your time!

Take a class. Who needs a buddy for this? Not having someone else at your side to talk to you allows you to focus totally on the project at hand. If you want to learn a new skill or a new language, focusing without interruption is invaluable. You also may not need someone to keep asking for help but all about your edification. You don’t want to be someone else’s tutor. 

Most of the time we love being with others; humans are social animals. But how nice to take a break from a spouse, friends or significant other. Doing so allows us to return to our everyday lives refreshed and able to take up where we left off with a new understanding and appreciation of who we are.