Senior Foibles: Things we do without thinking when our brains seem to go on vacation

Are there days when you feel your brain is on vacation? Welcome to the club.

On those days, we might do some foolish things. You forget whether you brushed your teeth or took your morning meds. You walk into your closet, forget why you’re there and emerge with nothing. You constantly drop stuff, like your makeup or pills, then crawl around on the floor to find them and hope you can see whatever you’re looking for. 

Do you forget the name of something and use vowel sounds and grunts or worse expletives to help you remember? Does it help or do you sound like a lunatic? Did you buy a pallet of paper towels at Costco only to find out when you get home that you bought the same paper towel pallet last week? 

It takes guts to grow old, but at least we’re still vertical. So, let’s enjoy the perks of senior discounts, the wisdom that comes with age, the fact that we’re still moving, and accept that we have the right to slow down and have our “senior moments.” 

This is the small stuff, mostly inconveniences. At our age, one is lucky to have old friends, to be able to work on a computer and on a phone, feel good most days, and have nice homes, friends, family, hobbies, and so much more.  

Instead of getting in a tizz, let’s calm down and itemize our old age foibles, even celebrate and laugh about them. Here is our list, many of which sound familiar. Feel free to add yours. And you know what to do and not do in most cases, namely, slow down, be sensible and often avoid doing two things at once.

--Standing on a ladder when no one has your back. If you fall, the injuries could be serious.  

--Walking and talking on a phone and tripping, falling face-first. You look in the mirror and see that your face has multicolored bruises. It looks like you were in a street fight. Worse, you could hit your head and have a concussion or brain bleed.  

--Getting upset about trivial things we do, or others do, not returning calls or emails quickly enough. Some people are slower than we are. Give them some time to get back to you. We are slowing down too. Example: Getting dressed in the morning means the night before you lay out your dress, jewelry, scarf, shoes, coat and then allow an inordinate amount of time to get to where you need to go. 

--Trying to work out like a 20-year-old with activities like running, jumping or vigorous dancing that can strain aging joints and increase the risk of fracture or tendonitis. Hey, you’re not 20 anymore or 30, 40, 50 and on up the ladder. 

--Engaging in extreme sports like sky diving, bungee jumping or rock climbing, injuring yourself and ending up on crutches or worse. Do you really need to ski down that slope or water ski again? What were you thinking? 

--Walking and looking up and then tripping on an uneven sidewalk. Broken ankle? Off to urgent care for an X-ray and an orthopod who puts you in a boot, if you’re lucky, or surgery if you’re not. Have fun hobbling around. 

--Bending the wrong way, picking up something and then snap, crackle, pop, you pull something in your back. Soon you’re off to physical therapy.

--Misplacing your glasses, phone or keys and blaming others. Master the art of apology without excuses now; it comes in very handy.  

--Repeating stories you’ve already told more than once. Who wants to spend time with someone whose conversation is on a loop? But be patient when others do, it’s not a hanging offense as someone we know says to be kind.

--Leaving the house and forgetting to turn off lights or appliances, leading to wasted energy or safety issues. Then you get the utility bill that almost sends you to the ICU. Check twice if you must. We won’t put you in the OCD category, and if you are, so what!

--Accidentally sending text messages or emails to the wrong person, like someone you dissed. You hit the wrong key. You can’t apologize enough. Will they ever speak to you again? They probably will, since most of us have done this or will.

--Driving improperly as you ignore warning signs such as speed limits, turn signals or traffic lights. Egad! Slow down, stop talking to your passengers or on your cell when you drive.

--Ignoring aches and pains and that includes your teeth. Do they go away? Usually not. Then, in a crisis, you call the doctor, dentist or 911 as you writhe around on the sofa in discomfort with a heating pad, ice pack or stiff drink. Get things checked out earlier than later.

--Forgetting a lunch or dinner date because you didn’t bother to look at your calendar. You can no longer keep everything straight in your head as brain cells continue to die. Write it down in multiple places and check twice!

--Wearing old prescription glasses or taking expired pills because you don’t want to spend the money to buy new glasses or new meds. Then you have an injury and don’t understand why the meds aren’t working or why, when you put on your glasses, you still can’t see. Spend on yourself now; there are no pockets in shrouds as one of our late mothers wisely said.

--Knowing your hearing is going and saying what, what, instead of when, when are you getting it checked? Spend the money on aids now to be less isolated and lessen the chances of dementia.

--Avoiding technology because you don’t understand it or feel intimidated, and then wondering why no one ever contacts you. Get your teenage grandkid or neighbor to help.

--Overeating to the point where you feel awful and gain weight and most of your diet is poor. It’s high in processed foods, salt, sugar and unhealthy fats. You morbidly rationalize that you’re going to die soon anyway, so why not enjoy yourself now? Well, a million reasons why!

--Skipping meals because you’re too tired to eat and then wonder why when you stand up you feel dizzy and faint.

--Not drinking enough water—aim for eight glasses—so you don’t get dehydrated to the point that you feel dizzy and faint. It’s also tough on your kidneys and other organs.

--Still sitting in the sun because you think a tan makes you look gorgeous and healthy. Ironically, you might think you look healthy, but too much sun can lead to skin cancer and death. Our immune systems aren’t what they used to be.

--Attending a gala and wearing stilettos or high heels because it makes you look better in the dress you’ve chosen to wear. That’s an accident waiting to happen—a twisted ankle or fall. Only Nancy Pelosi can navigate in stilettos most days, yet she fell recently.

--Not getting enough sleep because you relive an awkward experience you had in front of your boss three years ago. The next day you fall asleep on the bus and miss your stop. Realizing that will wake you up. 

--Talking to yourself and pretending that, if someone hears or sees you, that you were really talking on the phone or taking a photo of someone’s cute baby. 

--Asking too often such nosey questions as: Why aren’t you and your partner married? Why aren’t you dating? Is your daughter married or dating? How many times a week do you have sex? Do you always stay at such expensive resorts or eat at those high-end restaurants? Tame the nosey reporter in your DNA.

--Sitting in your recliner either on your computer/phone, watching TV or reading and being loath to get up and move. When you need something, if you live with others, you shout, “Hey honey, where’s my diet coke?” Or you fall asleep in your clothing! Time for your jammies.

No matter what “dumb” things you are doing or saying, chances are you’re doing well. Remember, a sense of humor in these situations is always the top card in the deck. So, laugh at yourself, help others laugh too and go about your day. If you’re past 70, you’re in this growing old cohort with us. Let’s toast the process and each other.