Not Dead Yet: 350 Dates, 38 Years, and the Friendship That Rewrote the Rules
NOTE: We’ve been a working duo for 38-plus years and were recently interviewed by another female duo—Maura and Christie--who’ve been working together for 10 years which includes co-hosting their The Balance Dilemma Podcast
Despite many asking us: Are you two still getting along? We are, as are our interviewers. Here’s our story from their FEB 20, 2026, recording.
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What Two 70-Something Writers Know About Collaboration, Reinvention, & Why Everything Gets Better After 50
For 38 years, Margaret Crane and Barbara Ballinger have been writing together through five children, one divorce, one widowhood, relocations, reinventions, and enough life plot twists to fill several books (which they have).
“When a chapter is done, we don’t know who started it, who made the changes—it’s really one voice.”
This isn’t a story about compromise.
It’s a story about devotion.
What they’ve built isn’t just a body of work. It’s a creative marriage.
And it may be one of the most radical models of collaboration we’ve ever seen.
The Spreadsheet, The Basement, and The Start of Everything
It began in 1987.
Margaret had the computer.
Barbara had the journalism chops, as did Margaret.
They both wanted to write about family business.
They sat side-by-side in Margaret’s St. Louis basement while five children ran in another room and built a rhythm that would last decades.
“One of us would start a chapter and send it to the other by email,” Barbara told us. “The goal was—when a chapter was done, we didn’t know who had started it.”
Fast forward.
Margaret, almost 80, now lives in New York City.
Barbara, 77, is in Baltimore.
They still write weekly—producing their blog www.lifelessonsat50plus.com and books including:
Their secret?
“I care more about Meg than I do about the individual story.” - Barbara Ballinger
That sentence explains everything.
What You Learn By 70 That You Couldn’t Possibly Know at 50
When we asked what they wished their 50-year-old selves had known, the answers were immediate.
Margaret:
“Be a little more of a risk taker. I’m a rule follower. I lost a sense of me for a long time.”
Barbara:
“I wish I had known I should be more adventuresome. I was the good wife, the good mother, the good worker bee.”
And then they did the wild and crazy things.
After her divorce at 50, Barbara went on 350 dates. She kept a spreadsheet because she was “confused.” Planes. Trains. (No buses.) Just as she was ready to bag it all—she met the partner she’s been with for 14 years.
Margaret?
At 73, she left St. Louis for New York City. Joined a gym. Started singing at Lincoln Center. Volunteers at a food pantry. Tutors kids. Talks to strangers on the subway.
“Most of the men out there can’t keep up with me.”
Matter-of-fact. No apology.
The Friendship Curation Project
Here’s something nobody tells you about aging:
You get better at friendship.
Margaret describes becoming more intentional—more discerning.
Instead of rigid lunch dates with a chronically late friend, she now says:
“I’m taking a walk at 4. You’re welcome to join me.”
If the friend shows up? Wonderful.
If not? Margaret still gets her walk.
Barbara adds something equally liberating:
“Some friendships just don’t work anymore. You don’t have to return calls. You don’t have to return emails. Things can slip away. And that’s okay.”
They’ve both built entirely new circles in their 70s—through singing, painting, volunteering, and what Margaret calls “talking to everyone.”
People say you can’t make new friends at this age.
They disagree.
The Things Nobody Talked About (Until Now)
When they wrote Suddenly Single After 50, a childhood friend said:
“There’s a chapter missing. You have to write about sex.”
So they did.
Barbara says plainly:
“People didn’t talk about sex.”
Now they do.
Their take? At this stage, it’s slower. More intimate. Less rushed. No children in the house. Less performance. More connection.
They also talk honestly about the things that do make you feel old:
· Doctors beginning sentences with “At your age…”
· Shrinking (Barbara has “shrunk a fair amount”)
· Looking at a photo from 15 years ago and thinking: My God.
Margaret’s doctor recently told her:
“You have nothing wrong with your memory. You know too much.”
The Partnership Rules That Actually Work
Over 38 years, they’ve refined their system:
1. Whoever feels more strongly wins.
If one objects, it matters.
2. The relationship comes first. Always.
3. No scorekeeping.
No tallying hours. No dividing credit. No “I did more.”
4. Absolute trust.
Margaret: “You tell me not to say something, I am the Sphinx.”
5. Laughter is glue.
They write. Then they laugh. Then they gossip. Then they write again.
Joy is part of the process.
What They’re Building Toward Now
Barbara wants more time with her four grandsons.
Her doctor said, “Ten good years.”
She said, “My mother lived to almost 101. I’m counting on more.”
Margaret wants to stay busy. Engaged. Making new friends. Building community.
They’re also working on another book.
“It’ll have gossip in it,” Margaret promises.
The Final Answer
We asked our signature question:
Can you have it all and all at the same time?
Barbara:
“Absolutely not.”
Margaret:
“Something will slide.”
But here’s what they’ve figured out:
You can have different versions of it all at different times.
The marriage-and-kids version.
The career-and-survival version.
The reinvention-and-risk version.
The finally-choosing-yourself version.
At 77 and almost 80, Margaret Crane and Barbara Ballinger are not slowing down.
They’re joining gyms.
Singing.
Moving cities.
Writing books.
Making new friends.
Refusing invisibility.
As Margaret says:
“This is the first time in my life that I’m really focused on me.”
Not dead yet?
They’re just getting started.
Until next time, Maura & Christie
The Balance Dilemma
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