Is Good Enough Really Good Enough or Do We Have to Go for the Gold?
In other words, when do we stop torturing ourselves and say, “Give it up?” and be done?
We think now, in our mid-and-later 70s is a great time to stop. The clock is winding down. We have fewer years to enjoy that new upholstered chair with expensive fabric and down cushions. It’s a good time to tamp down our expectations for all our purchases, whether in clothing, home design, appliances, work, exercise, food, college choices, friendships, weight, recipes, restaurants, hairdos, and everything else that we do.
Buying a bigger house in “the best” neighborhood, getting a promotion at work, owning nicer clothing with labels or upgrading our car or smartphone won’t, we know, make us happier in most cases. And those folks prowling dating sites, who keep at it even if they’ve met someone nice, smart, attractive and kind, should wise up. Instead of trying to meet someone fabulous, unbelievable, smashing, famous or a member of royalty, they might dial it down and go for good enough, which may ramp up to true love when the veneer and credentials are set aside or ignored.
This begs the question, what really is “the best?” It’s relative. We all traffic in the subjective. Perhaps, a healthy way to judge what’s best is what’s best for each of us rather than go for what marketers and advertisers hope we’ll seek. Some things may still dazzle us, and we secretly desire them, yet we recognize we’re at a point in our lives where good really is good enough—and a few notches down the rungs in quality, looks, size or however we measure anything doesn’t really matter in the end.
When we relax this expectation of having “the best,” we have slowly realized we can be just as happy or more so. We feel less pressure to spend the extra funds, less time to keep searching, less hassle and confusion as we debate ad nauseum and less of a feeling that we’re a failure for not having the best.
Tweaking our brains to consider possessions and experiences from the perspective of good enough takes research and intentionality. Here’s our take on several parts of our lives where we have switched our thinking to good enough being the best. And we realize that sometimes, it’s still fun to have the best and splurge; just not all the time.
Shoes and clothing
One size does not fit all as we know with these items. It’s the same with “the best. “ There are copies of the best everywhere. You can buy Louboutin shoes with their cherry red soles for thousands of dollars or find copies of gorgeous stilettos at Nordstrom’s or Bloomingdale’s shoe departments, sometimes on sale. Need tennis shoes? Going to the New Balance or a Nike Store means you’ll pay full price for “the best” running shoes. Why not go to DSW and find something similar for much less money?
Do you need the best pickleball racket or sweat outfit from Lululemon when Macy’s, Kohl’s or TJ Max sells workout clothing for much less? Do you really need to wear a status symbol with a logo for a purse, watch or necklace and serve as a walking advertisement for a brand or have the biggest diamond when there’s such a hefty price to pay, including more insurance? And sweat is sweat. Why not work out and perspire in a less expensive outfit that you won’t have to dry-clean but can throw in the washing machine?
Our homes
Most of us do not live in homes like those we see in shelter magazines and on Instagram or Pinterest; perfectly appointed rooms with hardly any sense of the personalities of the owners shining through, so very unlike the way most people live. The real goal of a home or a room is that it needs to reflect the home’s architecture, who the occupant is and provides a place to relax, feel safe and be ourselves. You want a place where you can put up your feet on a coffee table without worry, you will ruin the material or eat tacos while you watch a game without worrying that the oozing cheese will ruin the pricey fabric or antique rug. Seriously, who are we trying to impress unless famous architects or interior designers who aren’t likely to see our homes, and some of the best like Frank Lloyd Wright and Mario Buatta are dead?
Built-ins
Do we really need handcrafted built-ins by a carpenter or is a closet company’s version or those sold off the floor at IKEA at a fraction of the price, just as good, as one of us recently debated. Who’s inspecting the work, and both serve the same purpose with shelves and drawers? Housing your books is the goal, so durability is key. Then there is money left over to buy something else that is “good enough.” Or put the extra funds in the bank; healthcare keeps getting more expensive! And so far, Medicare isn’t picking up the cost of the hearing aids many of us need.
Furniture
Buy pieces you love and want to keep, not because they are high design but because you love or like them a lot. Unless you are a diplomat and entertaining royalty, why do you need furniture from old-world custom upholstery sources with down cushions that a designer has selected or hand-printed wallpaper when many readily available sources such as Pottery Barn and West Elm have well-made, solid selections that are far cheaper and are likely to last until you are gone. Forget those super-high thread sheets. At our age, who sleeps well anyway? We’re up half the night. Yes, any of our good enough purchases may not last but again in our mid-to-late 70s and older, does it matter?
Kitchen and Bathroom
If we’re doing a kitchen renovation, do we really need a La Cornue oven that costs thousands and can be complicated to operate or a Smart oven that requires a mastery of technology? Opt for a less expensive (and dumb) GE or Bosch package with dishwasher, oven and fridge, which are just as good for what we need now and maybe less temperamental and easier to get fixed. Finding a service or repair person has gotten harder and certainly more expensive. It’s a fact that many of us at a certain age tend to cook less and entertain rarely. An oven is not a piece of furniture to be admired or a place to store extra clothing. We’re old enough to remember when SubZeros became the rage. Yes, they may help sell a home, but a good stainless-steel less expensive model may be good enough for most buyers. Moreover, we’re now advised to do what we want for ourselves rather than for the next buyer.
Countertops
Real stone is expensive with marble at the top of the money chart. It’s gorgeous and sustainable, taken out of the earth and the supply doesn’t seem to be in danger of running out any time soon. If imported, that might be a problem these days with the new tariffs. There are so many “just as good and less pricey” choices from granite, quartz and quartzite to laminate (new and lovely versions), cement and glass and so much more that will hold up and look great. Any kitchen and bath store will discuss options and the prices, all of which can look fabulous for so much less than the best. And if you do insist on marble and are ready to maintain it, great, then go with other choices that are good enough to compensate for the price.
Lighting, handles, knobs
Go to a typical home center rather than a fancy hardware or kitchen and bath shop. Many handles and knobs come in dozens of colors, finishings, shapes and functions. There are thousands of styles, some by well-known designers, which are sold off the shelf or online rather than buying custom-made. And it’s often easier to replace them. A stunning light fixture purchased at a big box store versus a lighting specialty retailer can be less pricey. Changing fixtures can be a bit of cheap chic and make a big statement. Such retailers as West Elm and others sell copies of more expensive fixtures and they are contemporary, beautiful and fun. One of us wanted a design from the gorgeous array at Urban Electric but was persuaded by a lighting expert to go with another much less expensive choice that would fit better over her dining room table. Guess what? It was one-fifth the price and with the addition of colorful shades looks more than good enough, even if not the best.
Blinds or shades
If you go to a specialty shade store, the sky-high prices can be shocking. Many of the big box stores like Home Depot’s design department or Lowe’s will make custom shades minus the fancy price tag. Maybe the fabric selections aren’t as many or “the best,” but the choices are good enough if your goal is to block the light and gain some privacy. Wait for sales, too. Same with blinds, which can be appreciably cheaper at several big-box stores and look terrific.
Garden
Good enough means the softscape of plantings just must look nice with color, texture, different heights, some fragrance and visual cohesiveness. And there should also be a good enough hardscape of gravel, pavers or flagstone. Does the result need to rival the Longwood Gardens in Delaware or The Butchart Gardens in British Columbia? For some yes, probably professionals and with money to burn. But unless you plan to offer garden tours and charge admission to afford such pricey finds, you may be quite content with a good enough design that you can care for rather than hiring the best landscaper. Add in some seating, lighting and a shade cover, and your good enough design may inch up to better, even if not best.
Food and Drink
Food can be very expensive, especially if you go for “the best” cuts of meat, shellfish, fish caviar found at specialty shops rather than large grocery stores that cater to most shoppers. Many of the latter stores still sell good meat, poultry, fish and for much less, along with canned goods, fruits and vegetables and bread. What you need to do is try what you like and discover who has the best for the most reasonable price and which store offers sales and when.
Also, go to farmer’s markets, though some may be higher priced. Read recipes. The site Kitchn (https://www.thekitchn.com/lemon-bars-recipe-showdown-23718672) recently tested six recipes for lemon bars to find the very best, and Melissa Clark’s entry won, so now you can make the very best, which in a non-professional’s kitchen may be very good enough. Another example, why slave over the stove for hours making homemade chicken soup when some stores sell good enough prepared foods even with minimal sodium if that’s a concern. Add some cut-up cooked carrots, fresh dill and matzoh balls (from a mix), and voila! Good enough too. For other bargains, read newspaper ads and clip coupons.
Baking
You don’t need to use the top European butter or best chocolate when feeding people who will be eating your treats (most of whom won’t know the difference) unless you are entertaining the late Julia Child or Maida Heatter. And both of those food gurus probably would be so thrilled to be invited to an ordinary person’s house that they would never tell if they did note the difference. Also, do we need the sweetest strawberries or pineapple, fanciest ice cream in weird flavors and with stranger names for $12 a pint? We don’t think so, though we discovered one company’s for under $10 at CVS ! We say shop for what’s in season and buy from local sources to avoid extra costs of shipping. It’s all good enough.
Coffee
Here, too, do you really need “the best” coffee? Fresh ground beans that cost three times the price of ground beans at Trader Joe’s or a local grocery store? Surprise…Dunkin (Donuts) ground coffee purportedly has the best bang for the buck and tastes great. Who would’ve thought? Some people make coffee prep an art and they do care about the machine and process. Are they in training to become baristas? Great if so. But most of us don’t need $30 a pound coffee or to go through the machinations of making it daily in a fancy, expensive espresso machine. It’s just a morning pick up for many and here, too, good is certainly good enough for most.
Wine
Too many conflate high price with better quality. High alcohol at a higher price does not equal high interest and it can obfuscate the true nature and nuance of a wine. Some expensive wines are fabulous but so are many less expensive ones that are just as delicious. If you want to impress your friends, do so by finding something spectacular that is much less expensive than a pricey French import. Champagne is an example. If it’s from the Champagne region of France, it is very expensive. When having folks over, find a good Prosecco or Cava at the grocery store and the craving for the bubbly will be just as satisfying in most cases. Most people do not know the difference unless you’re entertaining a group of sommeliers—or wine snobs. Ask your wine purveyor for suggestions. Use your apps to see the opinions of your peers, those who have tased the wines, not the opinion of a distributor or magazine critic. Most important, you must like it, and it should go well with whatever food is being served.
Moving/Location
Our homes throughout the decades were lovely and good enough, often in top areas for the school district but often not on the very best streets or the biggest and showiest. Today, our needs and wants have shifted. What we care about most at this later stage in life is being near family and close friends, our favorite destinations, affording our places and feeling safe. A home that’s a little smaller than we envisioned, doesn’t have a great yard, one that could use some more cosmetic changes or has more steps than we wanted won’t make a huge difference in our overall lives if we think it’s good enough, clean and big enough to have some family and friends over.
Friendships
Those besties we have from childhood or made along the way in early adulthood can’t be duplicated in most cases. We grew up with them and may have raised children together. We’re thrilled to add new friends, but initially they may not be our “best” friends who are able to pick up on our moods, celebrate our achievements and commiserate with us when things go South or we get sick. But they can be nice and pleasant to schmooze and laugh with and keep us company, and if we’re lucky to have many more years, they may be more than good enough, perhaps great.
At this stage in our lives, there is no need to strive for the gold. Who after all remembers their geometry grade or their SAT scores? Our lives should be comfortable, joyful and easy. We prefer to focus on our most important wants and needs rather than to impress others but doing so requires confidence to pull it off. We say, don’t even try.