Guilt Can Stick to You Like a Stamp to a Letter, but There’s a Positive Side
Guilt. Most of us experience it at various times. It’s an emotion that can stick to us like a stamp to a letter (remember the line from the song, “My Guy” by Mary Wells). It hits us in actions, words, thoughts, writings and regrets. It’s always there, lurking and often festering in our psyches.
It can be exorcised.
First, accept that having guilt can be painful, but it is not all bad.
Really?
“Yes,” says Allison Schorr, a licensed clinical social worker in New York City, who says guilt can be handled in a healthy way and lead to positive change. “It’s a great time to take inventory of our personal values and make sure our behaviors align and then, if necessary, make positive behavior changes,” she says, adding that there’s a bonus to doing this: “It can help strengthen interpersonal relationships.”
A New York Times article, “How to Break Free from Guilt: It can prompt you to do the right thing, but it can also drag you down,” by Jancee Dunn (Jan 30, 2026), echoes the same opinion. Dunn quotes Dr. Jennifer Reid, author of the book Guilt Free: Reclaiming Your Life from Unreasonable Expectations. Dr. Reid says, “This complex, sometimes painful emotion can motivate you to make positive changes such as reducing your carbon footprint or repairing a relationship. But guilt can also be excessive or unhealthy.” Even when it’s not, Dr. Reid said, it can cause anxiety and anger.
What is this emotion we call guilt? People often feel guilty when they believe they have done something wrong--hurt someone by ghosting them or crossing a boundary like cheating on a test that falls short of our moral code. Schorr defines it this way: “Guilt often relates to the specific behaviors we do or do not act on- influencing how we perceive ourselves and how others perceive us. Our self-concept. That’s a big deal!”
The levels of guilt can range from small issues to bigger, more serious ones with unhealthy and unhappy consequences.
Examples:
“I indulged in one of my guilty pleasures: eating junk food and binge-watching a reality TV show that isn’t highbrow, which kept me up too late last night. I have an important business meeting in the morning. Will I be exhausted and unproductive tomorrow? Will eating junk food lead to Type 2 Diabetes? Will this shorten my life? Ohhh, the guilt mounts!”
“OMG, I never made it to the gym today to work out. I’m feeling guilty about being a sloth.”
“I tried to get out of going to an event that was honoring a good childhood friend. I should have been there, but I had nothing to wear and too much work to finish. I told her I had a migraine, a little white lie. The guilt I am feeling is giving me a migraine.”
“Was I a good enough caregiver for my mother? Did I make the right decisions when she was alive and so terribly ill? Why did I stop her from eating all those cookies and ice cream that she relished? I’m engulfed in guilt.”
“I pressed the send all button when I meant to send my email to only one so someone who read it was the focus of my criticism. I’m horrified that I did it though I did mean what I wrote. What now besides buckets of guilt?”
“We were struggling to make ends meet, barely paying our rent and health insurance. Yet I walked by a store, saw a dress I just had to have, and impulsively bought it. The guilt is eating away at me like a troubled relationship. And I wore it, so I can’t return it.”
Does any of this sound familiar?
Let’s face it, guilt is a natural part of being human. We’re not perfect, but to mitigate it, we can make amends, apologize or change our behavior.
Here are 10 strategies:
--Feeling guilty? Accept it. Identify the guilt. “Ask yourself, is this due to a logical reason, or is this more illogical/irrational and due to reasons outside of my control?” suggests Schorr. That’s the first step toward acknowledging it face-on. Dig down and pull out what triggered the guilt. Analyze it and decide if your guilt is justified. If you think you’re being too hard on yourself, practice self-compassion, says Schorr. “Self-criticism is not productive. Recognizing that everyone makes mistakes is healthy. Then you can work on change.”
--Take control of the situation. Act quickly to relieve it before it takes over your thoughts. Write down what you did that made you guilty on a whiteboard or in a notebook–keep a guilty journal--and come up with some reasons why and how you can handle it better next time. Instead of a nay, try a yay in your head. You can gain control over this. “Think, is there anything you can change now or handle differently in the future?” says Schorr.
--Use imaging. Put your guilt through a metaphorical shredder. Create a visual in your head of your guilt moving toward the many blades that will rip it to pieces. Bam! Gone. Relief.
--Laugh about guilt. One humorous way to handle guilt is to picture your inner critic as a drama queen. Tell yourself, “Cool it. Relax, it’s just life.” A good laugh at your own expense can help lighten the load and remind you that nobody’s perfect.
--Have a guilt buddy with whom to laugh. It’s nice to hear you’re not alone marinating in your guilt. You feel guilty after yelling at your spouse for being so demanding, so you tell your buddy. “Oh, my goodness, I’ve yelled at my spouse, who wasn’t feeling well, after he ordered me to do this and do that. I even screamed so much at one point that I lost my voice. My husband was delighted when I couldn’t fight back or make a sound. I assumed that was my punishment. Talk about guilt.”
--Deal with persistent guilt or it can make you sick. “Experiencing elevated levels of guilt and shame can cause a variety of mental health and overall issues, including anxiety, depression, relationship difficulties, and physical symptoms. Seek support. Reach out to family, friends or a therapist and make sure to lean on your support networks,” says Schorr. She adds, “Guilt can lead individuals to worry excessively about things going wrong and may push them to seek unrealistic control over their lives.”
--Decide if guilt is justified. Were you rude, evasive, or did you hurt someone’s feelings? Overspent on a pair of shoes or a purse that you can ill afford? Do the right thing. Return the shoes or purse. Or, hit repair mode. It’s amazing what coming clean can do. And if you were very rude to a friend or gossiped maliciously, apologize and learn from your error.
--Accept guilt as a learning experience and shift gears. What can you do to avoid it in the future? It’s called: live and learn or one of us likes the phrase, “a learning lesson.”
--Deflect by doing something positive and constructive rather than dwelling on the negative. Get outside yourself by doing something nice for someone else, packing lunches for the homeless or helping students with their homework in an after-school program.
--Start a new hobby that will shift your focus. You can’t think about guilt if you’re learning a new painting technique and practicing it, trying to master difficult music, learning how to play Bridge or golf, how to throw a pot on a kiln or do your own taxes.
Guilt creeps up on us like a rash. Stop it before it takes over your entire being--unless it’s a hanging offense. (That’s a different story.) If you have a guilt attack, there’s no need to panic if you practice our strategies and chant this mantra repeatedly in your head: "This too shall pass.” But remember that new guilt will come; it’s almost impossible to eradicate this feeling. It’s just one of many emotions we have.