Grief Extends to More Than Losing a Loved One (or Pet) to Death

One of the difficult realities of aging is loss. Sadly, we all lose loved ones through the years. That’s just a fact, and it’s gut-wrenching. But grief can extend to any loss, and the longer we live, the more losses we incur in our lives that are constantly shifting. 

Do you wince? Do you shout? Do you cry? All. With such losses, you can feel like you’ve fallen off a cliff and aren’t sure, without any playbook, where and how you’re going to land.

To add to the grief is guilt--for grieving something not as important as a death, a lack of validation of why you're in pain, and the fact that when there is a loss not involving a death, there are no established rituals to mark it. No friends show up with casseroles; no condolence cards arrive. 

“Yet the sadness is every bit as real,” writes Liang Rikkers, advisor, author and speaker, who addresses friendship loss in a piece, “How we’re shaped by our evolving friendships---and sometimes their inevitable end,” published July 13, 2026, in one of Katie Couric’s newsletters. It just is, and we are lost in our loss as we try to process and accept…why.

Types of losses unrelated to a death vary:

--Unraveling of a marriage or romantic partnership. A divorcee may grieve the loss of being part of a couple and all the heartbreak associated with the end of a marriage. Divorce, breakup or a rift with family or friends can feel like losing an appendage. Even if the relationship ended on your terms, the loss of shared history and plans can be painful. Running into that person socially or at work, business meetings, or anywhere, especially if you live in a small town or work for the same company, can be devastating. Co-parenting can make conversations and meetings imperative but difficult. It takes time to heal.
--Loss of status or change in a role. An empty nester may mourn the loss of active, hands-on parenthood, or a job loss or the loss of a position (e.g., head of a company, a division or a department) can trigger grief over the loss of work identity. A teen may grieve over a bad grade when they’ve been mostly a straight-A student or may grieve the end of a badge of honor or passing a class, which affects graduation. An aspiring actor may grieve not getting the lead in a play; an artist might grieve not getting into a gallery or juried show for which they’ve prepared for months.
--The end of a friendship. “The loss of a friend often blindsides us, leaving behind sorrow we never expected. You’re ghosted for reasons you cannot comprehend. That type of grief can feel particularly painful and strangely lonely, because there are few social rituals to acknowledge it. …,” writes Rikkers. Whether gradual or sudden, there's often grief associated with the loss of a longtime friend. It can be painful to lose someone who shares your history. It can even be embarrassing that the relationship you thought would last forever has ended. What will others think, you wonder? Rikkers adds, “We expect to lose grandparents, and we know that marriages sometimes lead to divorce. But few of us are prepared for the grief when a friendship ends.”
--Loss when moving and leaving your community. This includes the loss of comfort and routine of being part of various groups such as art, exercise or music classes, book and card playing groups, church or temple. You were involved in community government or specific volunteer opportunities. Moving to a new place, immigration or losing a community due to wildfires or floods can trigger grief over the loss of belonging.
--Loss of funds. Due to expensive home repairs or appliances that break down, cars, HVAC systems, bad investments, overspending, debt or through a scam, all mean less money. Being strapped for money can lead to major changes in spending habits. You must move or are evicted; must drop out of college or an expensive program or cannot afford to pay for child support or make insurance or medical payments. These are huge game changers.

--Loss of safety. This may happen if you’ve been physically traumatized, robbed, mugged or worse and feel vulnerable. Getting injured by another at a subway station or on the street and the trauma of it can result in PTSD. It’s important to work through the pain. In such cases, it might be wise to consult a therapist.
--Loss of self-confidence and heightened sensitivity. A joke or a snarky remark at your expense can carry emotional weight if it represents something important to you— “Hey, looks like you’ve gained some weight.” “What did you do with your hair?  It looked so much better longer.” “Janey is having a dinner party on Saturday night. Are you invited?” You are not included, even though you thought Janey was a close friend, so you’re devastated. How do you handle that snub? Here’s a case where it’s often not worth engaging or getting defensive.
--Loss of good health. When you’ve always been right on target with your numbers, to see them change can be devastating. Suddenly, your body is changing as numbers either plummet or rise. You now have aches and pains from arthritis, back problems, bad knees and hips, resulting in the loss of mobility or your memory isn’t as sharp as it used to be. Are you hearing impaired? How are your eyes? Your teeth? Are you in early dementia? Any of these issues can cause deep grief over the potential loss of independence and quality of life. 
--Loss of goals that don’t pan out. You don’t get to follow through and buy a home when it’s unaffordable, or you’re outbid when you find one you can afford. You want kids but are experiencing infertility. You’re retired and hope to travel the world with your partner who suddenly leaves you. A shifting of life plans can cause grief over the loss of a future you once envisioned. Time to reset what you hope lies ahead.

Loss happens to all of us regardless of age, but it’s more acute as we get older and we have fewer days to regain our footing and hopes. Try not to shut down. That is counterproductive. Accept the loss and your need to grieve for as long as you need to do so. Of course, nobody can tell you how you should feel. But try to put it all in perspective and count the blessings you do have. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps and use that loss to your advantage by developing a new strategy or plan. There’s always hope. That’s not being a Pollyanna; it’s being determined and taking charge to make positive changes.