Find a Gratitude Buddy to Share the Sparks of Joy in Your Life

This is the third in our series of buddy blogs. We’ve shared the wisdom of having a health and a confidence buddy. Two separate friends or family members: one to share our health concerns and go to certain doctor appointments with us or listen as we undergo tests, wait for results and maybe begin treatments, and another person whom we know we can trust to confide in and not breathe a word of our problems or deepest secrets to anyone else, even though the world seems to be one of massive sharing.

Now we are weighing in on the advantage of choosing a third buddy, one with whom we can share gratitude. It is so needed right now during this time of seemingly unending challenges—like a tsunami hitting us with continuous waves of economic worries, outrageous shootings, huge health concerns as medical research is cut, food shortages and starvation, political unrest, massive job layoffs, nuclear threats and climate disasters.

When any of these challenges arise, we feel the ground sinking; our foundations starting to crumble. But we’re determined not to give in. What can we do to calm life’s undulations? Hide? Pretend they’re not happening? This is unrealistic.

We have a better solution: think gratitude! We’ve written about the importance of finding gratitude. In the blog, “Is Gratitude a Lost Art,” Nov. 23, 2023, we listed all that we’re grateful for in our everyday lives.

There is one glitch. It can be tough to remember to make a list, and it takes time. We get busy, or we might do so one day and then life intercedes the next day. And we forget to do so again until we’re overwhelmed. Then, we’re grateful for another day but move on. We take our gratefulness for granted. Or we remember to express gratitude at certain holiday times, such as Thanksgiving, the New Year and certain religious holidays of Christmas and Yom Kippur.

Let’s make this a daily practice, an essential part of our day just like flossing, taking your meds or vitamins, exercising or maybe meditating. When these practices become second nature, the benefits are both physical and emotional. Soon, being grateful becomes part of your personality, and you will find your perspective changing.   

Again, our suggestion is to practice gratitude every day, an idea inspired by two women who found each other through writing letters to the editor at the New York Times newspaper. For almost two years, until one died, they emailed three things that they were grateful for daily.

Now it’s your turn to learn from these women. Try to find a buddy who subscribes to this positive way of thinking and will share gratitude with you by email, text or in a live voice, which we think is the most effective. Saying thanks out loud enforces the message and makes it seem real, like the imaginary bunny in the famous children’s book, The Velveteen Rabbit. The bunny became real to the owner as his brain blended imagination and reality.  

If sharing gratitude once a day feels like too much, consider doing it once a week instead, on the same day. You might share gratitude stories on a Friday night at the end of a workweek and before the weekend, or on a Sunday night as you’re winding down before a new week begins.

We are trying the concept with each other daily. It’s been comforting after a disturbing week of random shootings. We found we each calmed down, laughed as our gratitude ranged from thanks about serious matters and pressing concerns to the most mundane and silly, but which matter to us.

There is no right or wrong in doing this gratitude exercise. You get to choose what, when and why. One day it may simply be finishing an assignment or walking 3,000 extra steps, grateful for not buying an expensive outfit after worrying about your 401(k) as the market slips, being thrilled a test result turned out positive, your haircut was the best ever, you gained (or lost) another pound, you had a wonderful catch-up call or visit in person with a friend you haven’t spoken to in a long time or you found a new hobby you may become passionate about. Your call totally.

To make this work, select your buddy wisely. It should be someone who won’t criticize you or be judgmental. The goal is to infuse our lives with balance; not all is doom and gloom. As one clergy person reminded us, there are flickers of joy to be found if we look for them. So, start searching for those sparks.

And as always, we are grateful to you, dear readers. Now, please share what makes you grateful and maybe why.