Life is a Balancing Act So Let’s Avoid Extremes

The news of late has pointed up the extremes in behavior from all corners—whether its humongous sums spent on a wedding celebration, total obliteration of nuclear facilities, promise of free buses for one megacity’s residents, the many, and sometimes drastic, choices in plastic surgery to keep us looking youthful, a description of citizens in one state as being “more unique” than others. (And yes, we two are from other states where we thought we were special; oh, well.)

We love enthusiasm for what we and others believe in. As writers, we occasionally add an exclamation point to drive home our excitement and a superlative when we’re over the moon. “What a fantastic friend you are,” we croon when someone goes overboard in caring or sharing. And we’ve even said we LOVE a great pastry or a piece of writing such as Frank Bruni’s column in the New York Times, June 30, 2025, https://www.nytimes.com/2025/06/30/opinion/trump-bezos-sanchez-iran.html, which had many great lines, including “boasts aren’t deeds”). But we try to reserve the word “love” for people rather than things, even when they’re incredibly tasty, attractive or well-written.

In general, we try to steer clear of exaggeration and bragging (both the late Queen Elizabeth and our mothers thought that was in bad taste) and veer toward moderation in our choice of words, description of events, people and even our passions and fears, so we’re not like the boy who cried “wolf!” which made nobody hear him after a while. Of late, we think the opposite has been happening. The wolves are banging on so many doors, and the volume has been turned up so high all around us that it’s hard to hear what many are saying. We are on hyperbolic overload.

Furthermore, many more people we know, meet and see on TV are so adamant and even angry in their tone that they are absolutely, positively right and others are horrifically, horribly wrong! “I can’t believe you ate that bread, it was disgusting,” we’ve heard. Or “You must be an idiot to vote for that person? What were you thinking?”

What has happened that so many of us need to raise the decibel level into stratospheric levels and so often to make our points? Are we afraid if we don’t hammer home our points with the force and noise of a jackhammer, we won’t be heard? Or is it a response to others doing so, a competition if you will, that we must keep up the ferocious level? Additionally, if we don’t repeat what we’re saying multiple times, like a broken record, will nobody believe us? Say it enough times and it will be believed, even if the information is untrue. No wonder more of us have headaches and anxiety, need more time to calm down after getting into discussions, try not to engage at all and sometimes simply want to escape to a dark quiet room and be alone.

Our suggestion is that we all try to pull back on all fronts by first dialing down the volume and language. We are not suggesting anyone lose passion for beliefs, sit home and twiddle their thumbs, stop participating in protests or parades or change their beliefs out of fear. Hardly.

But we are recommending that when we voice and share our opinions and actions, we might be better heard if we speak and act a bit more in moderation; take time to listen to others who may have opposing views and not immediately jump all over them; state our views in a calm and normal tone; and think of others when we lavish dollars on ourselves for whatever reason by perhaps donating an equal amount or some significant sum to a needy cause as a good balance or giving of our time as volunteers.

Is this being inauthentic? Maybe, but we all need to cool the heat that has enveloped our daily lives and conversations in the same way the climate is heating up our planet.

How can we do this? We suggest we start with these simple 12 steps.

1.   Try using fewer superlatives as Bruni indirectly suggests in his article.

2.   Try not to name call, it rarely defines a person fully. And “you” messages are ugly and hurtful.      Use “I” messages instead..

8.  Take a media break from all the noise. Listen instead. 

3.   Try not to stereotype or use cliches. No one can be described by one tired word or description.

4.   Tone it down. You might be heard by more if you speak in a softer voice. Your blood pressure will thank you too.

5.  Try not to turn passion into anger and self-righteousness. Instead, turn passion into action and keep words kind. 

6.  Try not to repeat the same point in the same breath multiple times; once can be sufficient.

7.  Try listening to others even if you’re likely to disagree, whether it’s a person you’re conversing with or divergent views you’re hearing on TV or the radio or reading about. Listen to jazz, classical music or even your favorite rock ‘n roll. All will help you relax, smile more and maybe sleep better.

9.   Spend some time alone. That doesn’t mean you’re reclusive; it means that you need time to decompress from outside pressure, which you cannot control. This is something you do have control over.

10. Read fiction that will take you into new and quieter worlds, or reread some of the classics where ideas aren’t screamed in your face. If you disagree with a point of view, write it down. No need to shout it out for all to hear, as there will probably be no listeners. 

11. Practice toning it down when you’re with your friends and having a heated conversation. No need to prove your point with a loud, ear-piercing speech. Save your breath. And don’t forget to breathe deeply to calm yourself down. Sometimes you also may decide to sleep on a counterargument if someone has made points you disagree with, and if you do, this is a time to state your points with an “I” message rather than saying “you” were wrong or didn’t understand. We’re all entitled to our views.

12. Remember, life is a balancing act so try some moderation whether it’s what you drink, eat, hear, say or do.  It’s a much healthier way to spend your time.