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Be a Sport & Take a Single to Dinner

November 03, 2017 Barbara Ballinger & Margaret Crane

This blog is in homage to all the single people out there. Couples of the world, we have a proposal: Why not be a sport and include a single in your  dinner plans--and even on a Friday or Saturday "date" night. The single person will be eternally grateful. 

We've written about this topic before—singles left out--but we believe it's worth stressing again. This world is made for twosomes, and we can probably blame it on Noah when he told the animal kingdom to send two of each kind to his ark. 

Here’s a typical scenario. Those who are divorced or widowed often get a year's worth of invitations, and then the invitations dry up. Translation: You’re now on your own. Except, you’ll be included for lunch, one on one, and rarely on a Friday or Saturday evening with couples. 

Why is this the case? We think some folks assume that these singles will find a mate within 12 months; some are afraid that they might steal away their husband or wife; some of the women think their husbands won't find the conversation interesting if it's two women and one guy; some are just plain uncomfortable with an extra person around the table when it becomes an odd number--maybe bad luck if you’re superstitious, and some just don't think about the issue at all. 

Barbara was fortunate to have several couple friends who still included her after she was divorced. One regularly included her every weekend; another took her to their Valentine's dinner the first year she was on her own. And she has eagerly reciprocated by cooking in her home for any who've been kind or taking them out. Now that she's had the same guy in her life for close to five years, she finds that the invitations come much more frequently. In her case, she knew to include singles as her Mom had done and because Barbara herself has several close single friends whom she would never leave out. 

Margaret found that after her husband died she was always included and usually her portion of the check was picked up. When she started to see someone regularly, friends were thrilled and couldn't wait to include them, the new couple on the block. She enthusiastically entertained all--and has continued to do so after she and the guy stopped seeing one another. And the other night the nicest thing occurred--one couple asked her to join them and another couple she didn't know. But in so many cases the invitations have waned. 

Did she--and other single chicks--change? Absolutely not. 

So even if you never have reached out to a single friend, why not do so today? Many of us are going to be single at some time. Decide if you'll pick up the tab or go Dutch. That person is most likely going to be so happy to be included. And if you're really thoughtful you'll also take them with you if you're driving so they don't have to go alone. In the spirit of including a single, Barbara has proposed that there be a national, annual "Couples Take a Single Friend to Dinner" night each March 20 concurrent with the beginning of spring. 

Why not!

 



1 comment

  • Nancy Weisman

    Nov 03, 2017

    I understand. I was single (while young) for 9 years. I was never invited by or included in groups of coupled persons, Shunned even. Finding friends to socialize with became my own responsibility, and it was a lonely time. Luckily I found wonderful fun and interesting people with whom to hang out, but I always missed being included in the lives of old friends. To this day many of those old friends have no understanding of my life or the changes I’ve been through.
    Why do we treat single (women mostly) as pariahs? Is there some threat perceived?
    A bit of unasked for advice…..stretch yourself, take a leap, and call people to suggest a date for a meal. Rejection can feel bad, but it isn’t the end of the world. People who are coupled are not always sensitive to the needs of people who are on their own. Maybe your friends will be thrilled to know you want to see them.
    The phone works both ways!


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