As We Age, What Would We Like to Change about Ourselves?

Many of us want to be taller, smarter, prettier, more athletic, handier, savvier, funnier, more present, calmer, more patient, more technologically proficient, younger looking. The list goes on. But change is really tough to do as we age.

This isn’t about seeking perfection. It’s just an assessment—a hard look if you will-- of who we are at this point in our lives. Most of us accept who we are or work to tweak the little things. Afterall, aging has taught us the value of imperfection and its rewards. It’s not about lowering our standards but about acceptance and understanding that nobody is perfect or has a perfect life, even if it seems so.

Life brings with it many trials and tribulations that we become content with by valuing a pleasant day and learning to accept ourselves for who we are. We are also accepting a third or second place rather than being disappointed when we don’t reach the gold.

In addition, we acknowledge that we may be happy one day and unhappy the next, but gratitude is about the joy that there may be another day, if we’re lucky. If we’ve been extra lucky, we have old friends and the possibility of making new ones, all of whom may be challenged and like things about themselves and dislike others. We have our health or at least we’re not in terrible shape. We have our brains and know what’s important and how to prioritize, very key as we age.

We talked to a handful of people about what they’d like to change about themselves and offer some tips to make these changes happen. We posed a simple question to get started:

What are one or two things you’d like to change about yourself?
Barbara: I’m trying to feel more daily gratitude and say out loud each morning what I am grateful for; doing this sort of stops any whining dead in its tracks, though I don’t view myself as a whiner. I’m also trying to eat healthier and trying to follow the concept of 30 plant foods each week to be healthier as I see relatives and friends encounter serious health challenges.

Margaret: I want to learn how to slow down whether it’s walking, working, cooking, talking or whatever, which is an offshoot of my impulsive tendencies and the fact that I often blurt things out that I should not.

Holly A.: I want to change from being a procrastinator to a doer. For example, I’ve avoided working on a writing project and put a post it-note by my desk that reads: “This writing project will not write itself.” Get going girl, I say to myself.

Judy Z.: I want to fine-tune my wit. I want my responses to comments from people to be clever and not so flat.

Laurie K: I admit up front that what I would like to change about my physical appearance is superficial. “I would like to have nicer, longer, more shapely legs.” I also wish I weren’t so afraid of change or hesitant to try new things. Once I try a new venture, I’m happy.

Sandy K.: I wish I weren’t so challenged by technology as I futz and fumble with my new iPhone. I also would like more confidence. I get very nervous doing something new. Is that anxiety? It sure is and I like to calm myself with yoga, exercise and long walks. Having a daily routine that I try to stick to helps me feel stronger and more confident.

We also came up with a list of tips on how to change anything about ourselves or at least try to:
Don’t overwhelm yourself with too many simultaneous changes. Write down one or two traits that are changeable. Maybe you’re grumpy in the morning. Ok. Drink a cup of Joe before you get on the phone or talk to your partner. Maybe, at night you don’t feel like doing anything but watching a TV program. Tell friends and family you prefer to talk during the day and don’t schedule nighttime meetings or Zooms.

Be realistic about change. One woman told us she doesn’t like her legs. Sorry, but that can’t be changed. Noses, wrinkles, skinny lips and flabby arms and legs can be tweaked with liposuction, fillers and laser treatments. Facelifts can change one’s look and trim at least a decade or two but most likely will need to be redone years down the road. Changing a hairdo or the color of your hair is an easier fix.

Think before you speak, do, or move ….remind yourself to work on the change. If you have a whiteboard or post it-notes, write yourself a message as one person we spoke to does. Sleep on certain emails or texts before you send them. You may feel different tomorrow if impulse is your middle name.

Slow down. If you want to change your weight, don’t pop that cookie in your mouth without thinking about it. Is it worth a few seconds of bliss to endure the calories, a spike to your blood sugar and a few extra pounds over time if you keep eating one a day. What’s the consequence?

Have a change buddy. If you think you’re falling off the wagon in trying to make a change, call your change buddy and vent. That person may be able to calm you down and help you get back on track.

Don’t be so hard on yourself. Take your time. There is no instant fix for changing any look or behavior as you gradually slip into a new pattern. Expect it to take months. And don’t forget that if you do make changes, those around you might not like the “new” you and have trouble adjusting. In that case, it’s their issue and they might be the ones who need to change their attitude.

Good luck. A new year is a great time to make even one change.