Are We Still Useful and Needed? Yes, But in New Ways
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Should seniors be discarded like used paper towels just because we’re old? Do we still have purpose? Yes, but the dynamics have changed, and we are adjusting. As we age, it is important to feel needed and useful, a healthy path to longevity. Without it, we would wilt and die like cut flowers.
Let us count the ways we still have resolve and importance.
When we were younger, finding purpose was a no-brainer. We might have been needed as a study partner during college or graduate school. We were needed for a fourth in doubles tennis or a golf game or an extra in bridge or other card game. We were needed to bring the salad or a dessert to a dinner party, sing alto or bass in a choir, keep up on trends or alert others about what’s new with celebrities, fashionistas, athletic stars or to polish our family silver for the holiday and other gatherings we took on as host extraordinaire.
But as the years crept up, our children, if we had them, were grown and their kids went off to college or moved away, and our elderly parents died or even a spouse or partner passed away. We were on our own. Sometimes, the days seemed longer and even emptier as it became harder to drive long distances to see family and friends far away, read for long periods a 600-page book as our eyesight worsened, stand on our feet longer to cook and wash dishes, stay up at night to attend lectures, plays and concerts, sit for long periods and polish silver due to arthritic hands, and even remember where we were supposed to be and when.
Now that many of us are in our seventies, eighties and nineties, we may feel a tinge of uselessness as we can’t engage in conversations (sometimes hearing is a problem too) or we are clueless about casual banter and the right terminology as new gender terms keep emerging along with all the acronyms.
We wonder: What can we do to remain relevant, a question we’ve read and heard twice in the last week, once in a college alumnae magazine and second in a sermon over the Jewish High Holy Days?
Plenty. But…it’s time to be brutally honest with ourselves about our limits and new possibilities to alter how we engage and feel needed in our older years. Here are our suggestions; what are yours? Feel free to share.
Volunteer. So many are less fortunate than we are. Find a stress-free volunteer activity nearby. Maybe you can tutor a young person learning English or math. Or help elementary school children with reading, writing or listening to music. Ask the organization if you must do so in person. Find a tutee who is close to where you live. The same goes for a school or any volunteer venue if you no longer drive and there isn’t public transportation. Or you can always do so on Zoom. The volunteer opportunities are endless. Check with your local house of worship or other organizations. Help is always needed in food pantries and pet shelters. Deliver meals on wheels and check on a homebound senior. Pick your passion.
Teach yourself a second language. Yes, it’s much harder when older, but not impossible. One friend does so with AI; another uses an online app such as Duolingo. Someone else is learning Spanish from two Spanish-speaking doormen in her building. Every morning they have a brief conversation in Spanish and add a new phrase every few days. You might practice with a child or grandchild just starting with a new language and learn together. Eat in a Spanish restaurant and don’t ask for a menu with English translations or watch a movie in French without English subtitles.
Write postcards for your favorite political candidate or noteworthy causes. Midterms are gearing up, and there’s still time to help your favorite candidates. Often the script is provided; you copy it in neat handwriting. Many groups, including nonprofits and schools, provide you with cards and stamps. You are needed now more than ever.
Make phone calls. You might make calls for certain candidates and get out the vote or solicit funds for your college or house of worship that needs money. You probably still have a strong voice. Yes, asking for money or to rev up interest in a candidate can be hard, but if it’s a cause you believe in, it’s easier. Our democracy needs your help. Others do too. One organization in New York City has volunteers making “caring calls” to check on seniors, some of whom are isolated and need services and transportation.
Become a Poll Worker. Help run elections. The Midterms are looming. According to a website, Poll workers will open the polls on election day, check in voters, issue ballots, assist voters, maintain the ballot, voting equipment and supplies, close the polls and keep track of voters checked in with the number of ballots cast at their location. You will be trained by local election officials, work in teams, and swear an oath to uphold election laws and protect the security of the election. You are needed here more than ever. Go online and sign up if interested.
Host an event in your home for a political candidate you support. You can call and offer to have a gathering in your home or someone you know who is working for a candidate asks if you will hold an event to get to know the candidate. It’s an opportunity to get involved in an election at a grassroots level, help raise funds, network and help recruit volunteers for the candidate, show public support for a candidate you believe in strongly, and more. Why sit on the sidelines? Get involved in effecting change.
Share your gray (matter). We may impart our wisdom and experiences but assume the younger generations don’t care. Many do. And though it’s good for us older folks to have younger people in our lives, many in their age groups also like having our vintage in theirs; believe it. They like hearing about life back then…in the ‘50s and ‘60s or before. What was it like to work in an office as a woman, aka the movie 9 to 5. They are fascinated to learn how we tackled things before there were cellphones, AI, air-fryers, texting, email, social media and computers; what books we loved and read in school; cars we drove, movies and celebrities we loved, music we listened to, which does come back; art we looked at and know about, recipes we followed carefully from long-ago cookbooks where directions called for all to be made from scratch. Have an exchange. Listen to them rather than drone on. Share tidbits. It can be so much fun to hear what was…and from them, what is current.
Donate blood. Assuming yours is healthy, why not? There’s a dire need as many disasters now seem to happen every other day—weather of every type. If you are eligible, you can schedule an appointment to donate through the American Red Cross or check local availability via America's Blood Supply. We’ve read that blood donations have fallen to a four-year summer low, worsening the emergency shortage and threatening patient care. If you can’t donate blood because of an illness that prevents it or are under a certain weight, you can volunteer in a blood bank.
Listen actively and don’t interrupt. Everyone wants an ear from someone for so many reasons—to complain about a daughter-in-law not calling or showing up, a rude salesperson at the store where they regularly shop, bragging about a child or grandchild’s latest role in a play or musical or starring position on the football team, or to commiserate about the state of the nation and world. It’s more fun to have someone agree—or even disagree respectfully—than sit in deadening silence.
Intern to help. This is different from when we were young and trying to enter an industry or profession and secure a permanent job by building our resume. This is to help by being an extra pair of hands or ears for someone whose business is small, who may not be able to afford extra help or may want your long-time expertise because you were a professional writer, marketer, ceramics maker, painter, lawyer or accountant. Watch The Intern, a 2015 comedy-drama starring Robert De Niro as a 70-year-old widower who becomes a senior intern at a fashion e-commerce company. You’ll also laugh a lot; we guarantee.
Talk actively to AI. There’s a wealth of knowledge Claude and others will share; use it with a grain of salt. User beware. Not all information is accurate or even relevant. But you can chat about what to pack for a trip; you can ask what to make for your meals at home to stay healthy; you can ask about the latest books in print or audiobooks; or inquire about directions, the weather for the coming week, fall or winter, or almost anything! It is also good for saving time, whether you need research, a translation into or from a foreign language, an outline for a speech, or more.
Write a family or neighborhood history. Share the genealogy with a chart, photos and newspaper clippings related to members you or someone else has saved. Share your community’s past with photos, clippings and anecdotes. Younger members and neighbors probably are interested since before anyone knows such information disappears. Maybe there also are traditions that can be restarted, such as an annual family reunion or a neighborhood block party. Time is marching onward, do such activities now!
Call friends who are alone and housebound. A real phone call versus a text or email can do wonders for someone’s spirits, and it may help them feel needed. “How are you?” or “What are you up to?” or “How were your holidays?” are easy icebreakers. Make it a regular weekly or monthly check-in and be sure to listen well to how the person feels and avoid blathering on about yourself.
Our suggestions are the tip of the iceberg. We all need to be needed. Age does not make someone obsolete. Most seniors still have a lot of life to live, much to give and a great deal of wisdom to share.
Again, we want to hear about your experiences.